Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
