Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
dude. I can hear the air.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
