Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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