K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
this hospital has no fireball
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
