Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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