My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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