Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize