I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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