Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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