smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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