perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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