I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
