At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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