he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
