question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
