I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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