you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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