i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
