I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
