I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
