i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize