He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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