Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
