at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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