hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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