I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
