well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
