So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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