Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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