Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
