so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
