nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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