Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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