I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
