I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
