How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
