i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
