Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
