Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
