Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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