So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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