I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When are your genitals available?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
