Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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