they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
