her vagine was all disorganized.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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