She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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