When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
