Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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