I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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