you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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