Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
