oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i barfeds in our rink
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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