he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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