My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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