Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
