I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
