I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
