Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
