Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
