Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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