OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
