Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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