after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's rum buckets o'clock
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
