He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
