tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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