where does the pee come out of this thing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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