I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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