I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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