apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
