So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
