I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
