if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My penis needs a shock collar
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
