Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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