If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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